Friends, Friends and More Friends

Contrary to popular opinion, facebook friends are most probably not friends. 

I was talking to a friend of mine (first clue, you actually talk to friends) and he was saying that ‘he cleans-up his friends regularly’.  Now there is something that is inherently wrong about that statement.  Now I have had a few friends over the years and truth be told have never been 'cleaned-up’ by them.  If you have a really nasty ‘friend’ they might clean you out, but generally not clean you up. 

Thankfully he was referring to facebook or it was going to seriously affect the status of our relationship.

Now I suppose I will eventually need to put my name on this blog and open myself up to the world of cyber stalking.  You know all those people from your past that at some level, you wish would simply remain there; folk that are interested in your business but not actually interested in you. 

And so the stalking behaviour of choice in the new millennium is Google.  It used to be binoculars.  Whatever happened to the good old days of sneaking around in people’s bushes?  Now you simply type in a name from the shadows and skeletons of your past and see what they are up to.  The object of the game is simple.  Check and see what they are doing, not how they are doing.    

These days it has become a norm to meet someone and ‘do a background check.’  I am not sure what people talk about on their first dates anymore.  By the time that happens, people have thoroughly studied each other’s facebook profiles and know all of your favourites already, where you went to school, how many siblings you have... etc. 

In my case, aside from the contributions of The Change Addict there is little information about me in cyberspace.  My Master’s Thesis, however, does come up (The Change Addict doesn’t link to my given name, yet).  So not so long ago I had a guy who was interested in me until he read my Master’s Thesis Online on women’s leadership.  So any relationship potential was over before it began.  Eighty pages of intellectual prowess intimidated the poor bloke.  If he was actually brave enough to have coffee with me and get to know me, he would not have known about that for sometime... 

People have different interests and sides.  And the picture created in cyberspace is probably a bit like the tip of an iceberg.  Only about 10% is visible above the water and the rest is hidden below unless of course you're a bright spark and posted nude pictures of yourself; In that case the percentages might be the other way around. 
          
I do believe cyberspace does at some false level feed the need in human beings for social interaction.  I just think that the pretences and the circumstances are very false.  And while you might have a sense that people actually do care about what breakfast you had this morning, try and phone them in the middle of the night in an emergency and see what happens. 

Cyber relationships are really great if you are socially challenged.  You can say what you want to on one site and find a new site tomorrow to hang out with.  But you’re actually hanging with sites not people.

Somehow, I still prefer the traditional cup-a-something and a good old-fashioned face-to-face chat with my friends.        

So the conclusion of the matter is that you generally do not need to cull your friends.  And so the need to cull on facebook would indicate that many ‘friends’ may not actually be friends.  I have heard of culling elephants or other species of wildlife, but not friends.  Life tends to do the culling of friends naturally for you over time. 

And most importantly friends check and see how you are doing not what you are doing, which leads me to conclude that perhaps facebook and cyberspace may not actually be the ‘caretakers of connectedness’ they claim to be. 

 

Miss, Mrs, Ms, ...

I tend to buy strongly into the philosophy of 'common sense' rather than holding someone that society has deemed ‘an expert’ in high esteem.  I suppose it is possible that this might be a direct result of my obsession with the ‘why’s’ of life.  Or a conclusion based on multiple experiences over the years which resulted in my wondering just how it was possible that this person is an 'expert' in their field regardless of the position he / she may have held at the time.  Try and sit through a random conversation about having your cervix stitched close and see if you view doctors the same way.    

I think the level at which knowledge is available and added to in modern society, almost negates the idea that someone can maintain expertise without a constant quest and focus in a specific area of learning.  And so I have a high level of scepticism when it comes to ‘expertise’. 

Perhaps it is a reflection of my own quest for knowledge which has led me to question regularly what is generally considered to be accepted knowledge.  I’m pretty okay with concepts like 'gravity;' we used to play 'circus' as kids and believe me when I say we always came down, but struggle a little bit more with ideas like 'identity' for example.  I prefer to define myself.     
    
But despite my general scepticism of ‘experts’, I am still considering attaining a PhD.  I know..., but I did tell you that I reserve the right to change my mind. 

Actually my consideration has more to do with the title than the actual papers ‘ascertaining my expertise’. 

“But what about your comment about position and it not being held in high esteem”...blah, blah, blah or something like that, you’re thinking... 

No, I am afraid it is a much more trivial reason than attaining a title linked to professionalism.  I am simply seeking a title that is not linked to my marital status. 

You see, growing up, I was a ‘Miss’.  Got married and became a ‘Mrs.’ Now after the divorce I am forced to go by ‘Ms’. 

If I were a man, I would have simply been ‘Mr,’ despite the changing circumstances in my personal life.  So as far as I can tell, the only title as a woman that you actually keep and it belongs to you, is ‘Dr.’  Because now if I marry again, the cycle starts all over... back to ‘Mrs.’ ‘take two’.   I am simply a little tired of the double standard and so I think becoming a ‘Dr,’ just might need to be looked at  more seriously.

Has anyone ever asked besides me, “Why is that”?  Why are there different titles for women that communicate clearly her marital status?  Seriously, just who was that intended to benefit?  Definitely not women.  

Men, out of curiosity, how many of you are guilty of checking out a woman and referring to the title section of the form she has just filled out for her marital status?  Yeah, I thought so.              

If nothing else, the title ‘Dr.’ can survive marriage, divorce and the death of a spouse.  Society gives that to men for free, am I the only one who finds this double standard a little hard to swallow?  Incidentally, if I ever suffer from Alzheimer’s disease someday, I wonder to which title I will regress. 

But at least it’s good to know that at least there is something that men will remember.      

 

The Quite Something of Nothing

Sometimes you are faced with a blank screen and you have a post that is due, but really you have nothing: 

Nothing to write.

Nothing to say.

And so nothing to post. 

And so today there will be a blog simply about nothing.  And so you might be tempted to quit reading because the change addict has nothing to say, but the problem with nothing is that there are many times that nothing causes more stress or excitement than anything else.
 
And so if you add ‘nothing’ to the following scenarios, you will soon understand just what I mean. 

You return to the parking lot and in the spot you are sure that your car was parked, you find...

You receive a bank statement soon after being paid and the statement indicates that what is left is... 

You are in the midst of intellectual debate and soon become convinced that in between your worthy opponent’s ears is...
 
You arrive home and when you left you were sure there was furniture, but what you see when you unlock your front door is...

You walk into a lift and there is a beautiful man / woman and they are wearing...

And so very soon, many stories actually about nothing become the stories that are told again and again, in the pub, through the tears, over drinks, at parties, etc.  And so just how much nothing is actually in nothing? 

This is essentially why the socially enabled seldom believe someone who says ‘nothing’ when asked, ‘Is something wrong?’

And so when we say ‘nothing’: the problem with nothing is that it is usually quite something.
  
That being said, I will try and avoid discussing nothing again very soon...  So don’t worry, it’s nothing...