Peppered in Doubt

Finding myself in the midst a classroom this past week, I was reminded that the world I see is perhaps not the same one that most other people live in. 

They say that there are characteristics that get more entrenched with age and in this case it was highlighted in neon.  I have an inability to simply conform.  I have a seriously hard time doing it if it doesn’t make sense to me. 

You know those situations when you become acutely aware that the way you view the world is not the same as what the average person sees.  When everyone is going left, and there you are on a quest to the right.    

I wonder sometimes if we all taste the same things?  Or whether or not we all see colour the same?   

I think I am convinced that different people attune to different information in the same circumstances.  What I find relevant and what someone else finds relevant are perhaps very different things. 

I suppose too that any information we receive is also passed over an internal processing system and in my case it always comes right back to ‘why.’   

I suppose God already knows what has crossed my mind so why not be honest about it and say it out loud.  A part of me doesn’t really think that there is too much difference. 

Another part of me recognises that the differences can be very real, with far reaching consequences.

But what seems to get me in trouble the most, is the speed at which I see the consequences of something.  Sometimes I wonder if other people see it , if I am alone, or if I simply just make this crap up for the fun of it and irritate myself. 

Whatever the case, this seems to be the operational point from which I start; the root cause of my change addiction and my inability to simply keep quiet and watch things happen.    

My mother, bless her, still rolls her eyes at me and says, “must you always try and change the whole world?”

“Well..., yes, Mom”.    

I mean this is my Mom.  Surely by now, she should know that there are things that just simply need changing!  If anyone has known me my entire life, she should know...

To be honest there are days when I sometimes wish I could simply wait and see things unfold as they happen like I perceive the majority of people seem to be doing. 

And perhaps that perspective is wrong.    

What I do know, is that often I see decisions that are made that people are uncomfortable with, that are justified externally with layers of intellect but internally peppered with enormous seeds of doubt. 

Sometimes, I just think that it’s the doubt that should be given the platform a little more often.