Has the US gone ‘Coco’?

If I believed in reincarnation, I would seriously wonder about the past life of our puppy. 

Coco, who originated from two litters born at the same time which were amalgamated into one big mass of dogs; one of eleven, has a zest for life that is incorrigible.  So aside from sleeping in between pillows in the most bizarre and strange positions, hiding his head in the corner when he’s scared (I assume those to be reminiscent of the pile of puppies from whence he came), burrowing in mud immediately following his bath, chewing on his own foot and seeking out the garden sprinkler on a regular basis...   

 

He has a fascination for socks and underwear that he steals from the laundry basket and hides in the cushions of the sofa...

Yes, I know..., a huge embarrassing moment just waiting to happen.  Can’t wait until I have guests in my house sitting on my sofa and voila, behold, in lieu of a napkin, we have... 

Needless to say he has some seriously dodgy, doggy proclivities. 

But this is not new; we all seem to have taken a little baggage from our past.  The US election results were announced first week of November and I cannot help but wonder if the results aren’t remnant of some unearthed, age-old skeletons that many would prefer remain forgotten.   

For two weeks ago a country that is supposed to be the watchdog of democracy, freedom and prosperity (to those of us situated in floundering democracies), demonstrated that instead of constructive vision and integrity, racism and sexism now gets you to one of the most powerful positions in the world; a position that is ironically supposed to uphold the value of humanity. 

A serious bone of contention, I’d say. 

The scary part is: that when you fail to deal with your past, it usually destroys your future. 

Talk to us, we know... it’s a pursuit of objectives SA is also busy with.  Corruption, violence, racism,... we too are working hard to pee on the hard earned progress made under the constructive leadership of the likes of former SA President Nelson Mandela.    

     

I just hope that for the sake of Americans and the rest of the world, US President Elect Trump’s vision is to truly make America great and not to be the biggest dog with the largest bone at the expense of the United States and the rest of the world. 

For if destructive ideology got him into the white house, I for one, seriously have my doubts as to his intention to be America’s knight in shining armor rather than the dog who bares his teeth at everyone else... Grrrr. 

I believe Trump’s election to office is a reflection of something called ‘mathematical visioning’ ¹ which is a calculated reflection of what the [almost] majority have been thinking but not saying aloud.  But thanks to a secret ballot, that voice has now been heard. 

Unfortunately sometimes, it really is a good idea to hide your dirty laundry, not air it out in public. 

And hopefully in a hiding place a little more strategic than Coco’s. 

For according to Trump’s account of the American reality, many Americans may find themselves falling short of Trump’s definition of ‘American’... in his quest to restore “law and order,” “secure borders “ and provide “protection from terrorism.” 

And Barack, sorry, US President Barack Obama, you might be one of them.  But then again, since you have accumulated a large pile of bones, maybe you can stay... 

Needless to say, Trump has clearly communicated his intention to do more ‘sniffing around’. 

Destructive leaders like to brand themselves as the ‘solution in times of trouble’ and ‘the only one who can’ and who leverage fear and control as opposed to influence as the stick of change and tell you that it’s the best thing you can do ‘for your children’. 

All I can say is that from a leadership perspective; beware the lone wolf. 

So like Coco, who exhibits no tact and no consideration as to the consequences of his actions, we find that for the sake of all those involved and in a proactive effort to avoid the potential embarrassment he can cause, he, like tyranny, sometimes requires a leash.

¹ Hamburger, Yair Amichai. (2000) Mathematical Leadership Vision.  The Journal of Psychology. 134(6), 601-611. 

Those People Again...

I am looking for those people. 

You know; ‘those ones.’

 

The ones that everyone seems to know about; but nobody actually knows.  You know; those people.  Surely somebody should know someone.  You hear about them all the time.  Always less sophisticated than the people who talk about them.  Always never like us.  They are all the same.  Those ones.  

Maybe its time to be asking... does anybody have something new to say?  Does somebody actually know what they are talking about? 

   

So I am looking for those ones to find out if it is true.  Could there really be a population of people who are really all the same?  Not like ‘my own people’ to whom the grace of individuality has been extended to explain away our own ‘bad apples’.  You know; ‘those ones’.  “They’re all like that.”   

And so when asking around if anyone knows anyone from ‘those ones.’  The answer is always the same.  ‘No, we don’t actually visit those ones.  We don’t communicate.  We don’t get along.  We don’t talk.  We don’t even associate with those ones.  And so if you don’t talk, communicate, get along or associate for that matter, I think it is most reasonable to be asking - how is it that you think you know so much about those ones that you actually do not know? 

Not sure about you..., but I am confused.

My diversity of life experience has destroyed any illusion that I can claim to know anything about ‘those ones’.  I’ve lived in too many places; have too many people I care about, crossed to many cultures to know that ‘those ones’ are always very much like me.  That ‘those ones’ are me and I am ‘those.’  And any of ‘those’ are likely to be in my direct family or circle of friends. 

The luxury of ignorance is not in my corner on this one.  As soon as someone starts talking about ‘those ones,’ I know they don’t know what they’re talking about.  What becomes abundantly apparent is that they know so little about their own humanity that they can look at other people and convince themselves that they have nothing in common.  They’re not like them.  They’re better.  That is a lie.  It is really too bad that they’re simply human too and are unaware.   

      

And as long as we continue to dialogue about ‘us’ and ‘them’, we lose touch with our humanity and grieve our Creator.  

And so while I continue to hear so much about ‘those ones’, about how they are and what they do, for the life of me, I cannot seem to figure out, who the hell are “those people” anyway?

Does anyone actually know them?

- END -

Listen Dumbo, Get out of my Face - A Call for an Increase in Common Sense

I recently sent through a strategy document that focused on social development and received a very polite, ‘thank you very much but we don’t think you are qualified to advise’.  That’s the politically correct version, of “Listen Dumbo, get out of my face”.  The funny thing about strategy is that it needs to address the question at hand and I think the biggest and most common mistake that we make is asking the wrong questions and as a result; we define the issue incorrectly. 

It would appear that I continue to have some of my least intelligent conversations with experts. 

I dread a conversation with ‘experts’.  

I swear that something must happen after someone is handed their PhD papers.  The brain goes on leave or something.  They are the quickest to power play and seldom answer my questions (my assumption is that their expertise has run out – their assumption is that I am simply so not on their level).  Whatever the cause, it seems almost impossible to teach an ‘expert’ anything or get a straight answer.    

  

My latest conversation with a so called ‘expert’ went something like this;

“So let me understand this, you want to increase the regulation and policy on a trade that is already illegal”...

“Yes.  In order to better manage the current situation we need to focus on the policy, legal and judiciary aspects of the trade.” 

“Okay, but the trade is already illegal and statistics indicate that this intervention strategy has had little to no effect to date.  So the fact that the trade continues means that the people who are engaged in trading have little to no regard for the law, which would suggest that making more laws will have little to no impact... Thus the definition of ‘illegal’...”

The dialogue degenerated rapidly from there.  Am I the only one who thinks that making more laws to manage people who simply disregard law as a waste of time, money and effort?  Why is it that when ‘an expert’ is not able to answer your questions your qualifications and title becomes automatically relevant.  

      

One of the biggest questions that is seldom asked is:  Is it working?  Are we getting the results that we are looking for?  What is the bottom line or cause (politically correct for ‘why’?)?  

  

And so having this experience regularly has highlighted another question; what makes somebody qualified?  Somebody with experience...  Somebody with knowledge...  Somebody with an education in the field...? 

These so called ‘experts’ that we hold in high esteem are often well equipped with knowledge.  They hold a piece of paper which they earned by researching a subject that is narrow in focus and makes them a specialist in a very specific field; a ‘paper’ which somehow in today’s society places them as an ‘expert’ in some field.  But somehow, possessing knowledge and the application of knowledge seem to be different activities all together.    

There are a few more things I think should be asked of someone when holding ‘experts’ in high esteem and those are:  What is their track record?  Do they hold a stake in the outcomes that are being sought?  How do they weigh the significance of result and process?  (Working hard and producing nothing, nor should getting the results at all costs be held in high esteem)  What are their intentions insofar as contributing to the matter at hand?  Do they actually care to use their expertise in a way that contributes positively to society and achieve the results that have been prioritised?   

When a position held or expertise sought is to attain money and power... whatever the decisions, the outcomes will generally not be ones that will benefit the majority. 

This way of thinking is not new and is bound to reoccur in a society that holds in high esteem; money, position and power.

 

Another conversation of note with an ‘expert’ concluded something like this...

“Please excuse my wife as she is just not that educated you see.”  A statement followed by a condescending little pat on her arm and a flicker of hurt on her face.

 

                A statement said to the same wife who raised his children while he pursued his PhD.  A statement to the same women who got pregnant in high school with the same man and who paid her in dues in lost opportunity and a life time spent with a man who now looks down at her.  A woman who, even though he is the reason why she never had the opportunity to pursue her own dreams, is the reason he has a PhD today. 

“Yes, there we agree.  There is a fool in the room.  But it’s just not your wife” I think to myself.

Thus, my conclusion on the matter is quite simple.  There is a big difference between knowledge and wisdom and an educated fool is simply that: a fool with a bunch of papers. 

That being said, isn’t it time we start addressing the issues and the outcomes?  

Please!?!

...

- END - 

 

Those Waves of Change

At the beginning of the year, I had four garden chairs and a table...

But it has been a rough year for garden furniture.  Well – my garden furniture anyways.  You see, the plastic table and two chairs were stolen about three months back, a feat which left two wooden chairs as they were unable to be hoisted over the fence in a hurry, as they were a little bit heavier than the plastic ones.  Now plastic chairs are not usually high on the list of thievable items of choice, so imagine that those were not the initial target when the plan for theft was being hatched.  

That said, it left me with two chairs, and I was thankful that they were the better quality items of the garden furniture.  The thankfulness stems from a South African tendency to always try and consider the worst. ‘Wow, sorry about your _________ (fill stolen item in blank), at least no one was hurt’ – standard encouragement, albeit absolute bullshit, to stifle the irritation of living in a high crime zone.  So that’s nice and all, but what about my chairs?

So like a well indoctrinated local, I was thankful until a few weeks back when the river came for a visit in the form of a flood ... So while the wooden furniture was too heavy to hoist..., the same wooden furniture floats!

And my thankfulness somewhat dissipated ... 

But while sloshing through the rubble in my goulashes, I found one of my chairs tangled up in the vegetation of the neighbour’s yard, covered with mud...  and there in the back of my mind the urge to be thankful begins to show signs of life...  But no, it was immediately squashed and a basic life question... at what point do we bury the urge for gratitude and replace it with a life draining cynicism that seems to serve the embittered so well? 

The irony of life is that disaster and opportunity are often presented as the flip sides of the same coin.  Disaster is the presentation of a situation in which change is thrust upon people, unasked for and usually unwanted – but generally unavoidable. 

The question is – are we in tune enough to recognise the presentation of opportunity in the midst of it or are we too focused on what we had and the desire to go back to where we come from?  Sadly, embitterment only ensures that the coin is never flipped over.

The problem with going back is that we are assuming that there a space for the ‘back’ in the future; which by its very nature should sound the alarm bells of impossibility in the depths of rational thinking. 

But as human beings we tend to be less then rational and emotionally carry a desire to retreat to a time in which we felt ‘safe’ or at least had an illusion of agency and influence in our world.  

Ironically the life journey, no matter to what point, always begins at its present moment.  That said; I cannot help but wish for the time when the complex boundary walls were once intact as we wait with consternation the outcomes of insurance claims which seem to be taking longer than necessary...

In the mean time, it should be acknowledged that it took the river about an hour to demolish over 200m of infrastructure, a feat which will take probably about six months to recover from.        

So on the flip side of the disaster coin, there is usually opportunity.  It is just that one needs to have the courage to turn the coin over and consider the other side.    

Thus, for the moment, all I can do is simply relax with a good cup of coffee and a clean garden chair while I contemplate what could have been, but wasn’t, in the midst of broken walls, muck, make shift fences, razor wire and plants that are struggling to recover from their unanticipated mud bath.

And when that has been fully considered, take some time to deliberate what opportunity it may provide to change things that we would have been unable to change, if all was intact as it once was...

And six months from now, when all has been rebuilt better than before, I might even be thankful. 

Until then, that niggling gratitude will have to be kept to a bare minimum while I am forced to start each day with the walls down, until that too, changes. 

 

 

New Year Ramblings

It was a completely new year before I started a new ‘how hard can it be’ project. 

I am so proud of my restraint (my daughter just rolled her eyes). 

The fact that it was less than ten days is irrelevant as far as I am concerned.  The change in date indicates a high level of restraint on the change addict’s part and that is the story we will be sticking to for the moment. 

But if we were to confess our sins at the beginning of the year, the shiny bamboo floor got to me okay... 

And I learned that when one is dizzy, it’s generally not a good idea to be up on a ladder; a condition that was probably a direct result of some serious over exposure to fumes.   

As a result, I have a good bruise on my arm and a huge one on my hip that sort of resembles a huge hickey gone wrong administered by an enormous giant with protruding teeth and is a gruesome shade of plum purple with bits of torn flesh.

But that said; I still do like things that are shiny... 

the potential of something (or someone) to be more than what it is (they are) now...   

And I learned something quite serious about change in the process. 

1.       Change can be painful. 

2.       Change requires a purposeful course of action and an exertion of concentrated and focused energy on the part of somebody...

3.       Things will always get worse before they get better.

4.       Change always starts from where you are now.   

That said, in the midst of New Year’s aspirations and good ideas, perhaps one should hold the goals and ambitions against the criteria listed above and consider the resolution in terms of action and energy instead of results. 

Action and energy are in one’s control, results may be subject to a whole other list of variables.  That said; let’s make it a year of positive change!   

I wish you all God’s richest blessings in 2015! 

 

Garden Spooks and Change

Although I live in Africa and it is supposed to be warm – well that is the international stereotype of ‘Africa’ in any case, I need to put frost guard on my garden every year if I want to preserve my plants for the next growing season because at night we can get some serious frost. 

And so I pull out big white sheets of frost guard and cover the areas of the garden that have plants which cannot tolerate the cold.  And every year without fail, the dog, a little black schnauzer, reacts with a ferocious irritation at the changes to his garden. 

For the first week he attacks the covers and pulls them off.  He regularly gets himself tangled in his efforts to fight the new additions to the garden because they cover areas of ground he is accustomed to patrolling and he is unwilling to change his behaviour.  And then my frost guard gets a life of its own, while he jumps and scratches at it in an effort to find his way back out.  And if it wasn’t for the 9 meters of white frost guard trailing behind this little ghost of a dog, one would almost have to look twice at this garden spook.

And every evening I am forced to go out and put the frost guard back much to my own irritation.

Thus it would seem the nature of change requires chaos. 

A change in direction requires force and energy.

A change in thinking requires a paradigm shift.

A deliberate life change requires energy and intent.

Whatever the case, from somewhere, somehow, change requires different input(s).  

Sometimes change is easier when the inputs are from external sources and change is reactionary not deliberate.  It saves ourselves from the necessity of considering options and creating a shift for which by virtue of consequence, we will be held accountable for and, by virtue of the numerous variables in life, we may get the wrong outcome and regret in hindsight - in which case one could always seek to attempt to change it again.       

But deliberate change requires choice.  It is a calculated decision to destabilise our environment and create chaos with the intention of creating new outcomes; a plan to change one’s way of thinking and make a new behaviour choice; an internal input of something new into an old situation.  

And yet the first reaction to change seems to be fear.  A worry about what is not known.  An attachment (sometimes illogical and unexplainable) to what we know even if what we know is not working well for us. 

What I don’t seem to be willing to understand is the unwillingness of humanity to honestly ask whether one is satisfied with the status quo at present?

And if the answer is ‘no’, why not change it? 

Perhaps the change you fear is little more than a garden spook.    

 

Life's Re-Start

So I have been a little lax... Is 'lax' even a real word?  Okay, I've gone full on missing in cyberspace.  Interestingly enough, there was no search party.  No queries.  Nothing.  

And that's way a cyber relationship is not real people... 

But that said, when I started this blog, it was my intention to create dialogue.  To open a conversation, trigger some thought and say something real. 

It was my hope that people would start to follow ideas and not personalities.  But given the number of visits to the 'blogger profile', that seems to be just a pipe dream...   

But I haven't given up hope yet...

Life experience has taught me that often social truths are mistaken for reality.  Intentions mistook for outcomes and little of what we think we know, is actually the way things are. 

Wisdom has shown me that intentions are sometimes more important than outcomes.  Social truths are things other people do not want you to question and simply accept as given, usually because they serve someone else's purpose.  And that truth, when revealed to yourself can truly set you free. 

So consider this:  

Our starting point in life is always where we are now... 

Our past we cannot change, we can only change how we view it. 

Our future depends largely on the perspective we take of our past.   

Our present determines that perspective. 

So have the courage to look a little deeper.  Ask more questions.  Change something.    

Even if its simply a change in perspective. 

 

The Seeds of Worry - the desire for change

Between the two sayings, “Don’t worry, things will get better” and “Stupidity is continuing to do the same thing and expecting different results;” which one is actually true?

There is something about these statements, I find inherently frustrating.  Aside from the blatant contradictions they seem to imply, they somehow enable the person who utters them an air of condescending wisdom and intelligence and yet place the recipient in a position of passive acceptance and a state of an implied dullness of mind. 

They are not at all empowering.  And yet they sound believable, like they should at some level be true.  They simultaneously imply a pearl of wisdom that is present and yet evasive, leaving you with exactly nothing to go on.  Advice that simply cannot get better from the condescending throne of implied infinite knowledge and wisdom and yet cannot get worse given its chronic uselessness in reality and practical application.       

Could it be that “don’t worry, things will get better” is a statement that refers to the natural passing of time, which in turn, has the capacity to change things?  Or perhaps, its intent is to remind humanity that worry itself is neither conducive for change nor the happy passage of time.  And that in and of itself, worry is essentially an activity that is non-productive.

And yet on the other hand, the other statement suggests that a continuous course of same actions will yield the same result which would essentially undermine and suggests that the previous statement is perhaps a false one.

 A statement aimed at relieving the spokesperson from any responsibility in the circumstances.  “Don’t worry things will get better,” usually combined with a pacifying pat on the back.  A statement of false information.  One intended to build false hope and false expectations.  One that exonerates them from taking a course of action that would directly involve them in the course of events causing the state of worry to start with?  One intended to pardon their lack of interest and involvement in something.  Whatever that something might be.      

An excuse.

A declaration of distance. 

A polite way of saying, ‘please just do not involve me in this thing’. 

Alternatively consider the validity of the statement that “stupidity is continuing to take the same course of action and expecting different results”; is that true?  It can be.  In mathematics it’s a true statement.  Often in relationships it is also very true.  But there are times when taking an umbrella to work may be useful one day and unnecessary the next.  Thus, the same course of action yields different results.  So perhaps this statement holds true in circumstances where the variables are held constant but not always in cases where we do not control all the variables.  And life, as a rule, tends to fall in the latter category. 

And thus the time factor becomes relevant yet again. 

Time seems to be one variable we cannot control. 

Thus could it be possible, that the issue here is actually neither and the questions we are asking: the wrong ones. 

And so perhaps the question needs to be; for how long?  For how long are we willing to tolerate the state of worry or for how long are we willing to take the same results again and again by following the same course of action?

Isn't worry itself a state of ‘wanting change’ and not having the courage or the course of action within reach to pursue it?     

Is stupidity than just a higher level of commitment to a repetitive course of action? 

And so the question we need to be asking is: for how long? 

How long before we change it? 

 

The Novelty of Newness

New things can be exciting and stressful, but one thing for sure, newness does not last and novelty disappears soon after it's started. Take this blog for example, I was going to be ambitious and committed and write in advance.  It’s now the night before publishing time.  Late. And here I am Racking my brain for something to say.  Now it also doesn’t seem to help that I am talking into random cyberspace, but that is another blog all together.   

This is a new year, but already the novelty has worn away and we are getting about our daily business and trying to desperately remember to write 2014 instead of 2013, which in our repeated attempts to adapt, is already getting old.     

And so 2014 is starting with quite a few ‘new’s’ for us; a new office environment, a new school for my daughter, and so new people and new goals... new expectations and new decisions that need to be made, new schedules... etc.      

And while it can be exciting, there is a desire for a little more of the mundane as we scramble to adapt.  And by mundane I simply mean things in life that are expected.  All cannot be new forever.  Thankfully.  

Constant newness would be exhausting. 

As with most things even a new car loses its lustre.  Slowly the ‘new’ experience of driving it, after a few months, becomes standard.  And a new baby loses his or her novelty even faster.  Two nights of no sleep and a few poopy diapers will do it. 

And so he or she remains novel to those who have not yet met or seldom care for him / her.  Trust me, there is nothing like losing your status in your mother’s eyes than by giving birth to a grandchild.  “Ohhh, look at her.  She is soooo cute.  Come to Oma”.  “It’s nice to see you too Mom, I’m well, thanks for asking”.  You call at her retreating back after she’s taken her grandchild out of your arms.  Its a serious change (downgrade) in status.  From 'daughter' to 'mother of my grandchild.'  A serious indication that your novelty has worn off.

I am by no means measuring their value against one another.  If the new car smelt bad after a few hours and kept you from much needed sleep, it would lose its novelty much quicker too.

I suppose the joy of newness is that it serves as a reminder that you are still alive and growing; still on the path to somewhere, even if the somewhere itself is somewhat obscure. 

I am grateful for the ‘new’s’ thus far.  Thankful that anything ‘new’ keeps me away from the ‘same old’, ‘same old.’ 

Too much ‘same old,’ ‘same old’, cannot be healthy either.  

So hopefully the ‘newnesses’ still awaiting us in 2014 will indeed be those of blessing and serve as a reminder that life is a journey, not a destination.   

And I suppose that that is really what is meant by 'Happy New Year.'  

And so Happy New Year to you all.   

 

 

A Life of Wayward Ducks

A midlife crisis is characterized by a period in life caught somewhere between looking back and looking forward in our perceived assumption that we are somewhere in the middle of our expected life span.  It is a perception which causes many to make some crazy decisions to convince oneself that youth is still within one’s grasp.  But since I am only 29, that simply cannot be what I am experiencing. (I am saving that for much later, I am a firm believer that everyone is entitled to reclaiming as much of youth as possible).      

So the last few weeks I have been facing the ghosts of Christmas past having returned to the community in which I grew up.  The tragic haunting of decisions made that have altered the course of my life and set me on the path I am on at the moment.   

The what if’s of boyfriends past for example.  Have you ever wondered how different life would have turned out if you had made different decisions? Perhaps this is a process that is a reflection of not yet fully finding the path that one is intended to be on.  Or maybe everyone has a collection of what if’s stored in their closet.  I am not sure, but in any case it is a mental activity that my brain is quite happy to engage with; mostly with somewhat disastrous results.       

For me, coming from a small town, now living in a huge city, my life path would have been a very different one.  Growing up it was assumed (especially for girls); that you would ‘grow-up (I know, fancy that), get married, settle down and raise children’.  Aside from not being on the expected path, (my life has veered so far away it is simply not even possible to find the original path back) to be honest, that is one thing that I do not regret.  I am glad to be rid of that set of expectations, both imposed by others and adopted by myself through the process of societal expectation.        

Thankfully my journey of mental ‘what if’s yields more amusement and relief than regret, reminding me that life is more about the journey than the destination as it would seem that mine is a life where the destination continually evades me. 

Perhaps that is my excuse (a life of wayward ducks rather than an inability to get my ducks in a row), or because life lived as a series of end points quickly becomes stagnant. 

If one’s life objective is to marry, for example, what happens beyond that point?        

And so the trip back home reflects back on the ‘where’s of this happened and that happened and the ‘remember when’s of days gone by’.        

And while some places and faces are familiar and easy to recall despite the increase of wrinkles and grey hair and other changes, I sometimes need to remind myself that I too aged in the interim, at least until I turned 29.    

In some ways ironically, the community seems much the same but somehow I feel an increasing sense of displacement and wonder how easy it would be to return to live here. 

The reality is simply this, it is me that has done the most changing.

Whether that change was for better or worse…, well I suppose that would depend on whom you are asking.  

The jury is still out on that one… 

 

A Life in Full Colour

In the process of doing renovations to my house I repainted the master bedroom three times; three different shades of dark green.  Three days in a row.  Yes, it would have been easier to just make peace.  Or to paint it cream.  But my head would never allow that. 

And so instead of buying paint in one colour and painting the whole house, I try different colours and when say colour, I mean colour.  Colour like red, dark purple, golden yellows and green, not pale sand, light yellow, beige or cream.  I like to push the bounds a little and see what I can make work.  Yes, and change them regularly too.    

My friend still laughs and comments on how I painted my bedroom the ‘same colour’ three times.  And I suppose that is one side of the story, but definitely not the change addict’s perspective.  Those were very different colours. 

Were they green?   You’re thinking.

‘Yes’. 

Were they dark green? You’re thinking.  

‘Yes’.
  
Conclusion: ‘the same colour.’
 
‘NO!’ 

The other side of the story, my version, is that I needed to be able to walk into the room and appreciate the colour on the wall and I am very visual.  So anything that disturbs the eye, my brain is very quick to pick up on.     

Sometimes, I wonder if the tendency toward a neutral palette in décor is simply a result of the fear of ‘getting the colour wrong’ and having to redo it? 

And so my question is: Have you ever noticed just how many decisions we make are based on fear? 

We won’t speak up at work, lest we lose our jobs. 
We won’t go out at night lest we be attacked.
We won’t say no to someone afraid they won’t like us as a result.
We won’t change something because better the devil we know than the devil we don’t. 
We won’t try something new because we are afraid we might fail.
We won’t end a relationship...

The list goes on. 

The funny thing about fear is that it usually ends up creating exactly what we are afraid of.

We won’t speak up at work, lest we lose our jobs.  Silence creates an environment where injustice prospers which results in loss of productivity, economic recession and corruption, which are the main contributors to job losses.

Besides I tried it.  It’s true (was constructively dismissed).  But even that is not the end of God’s story for your life.     

We won’t go out at night lest we be attacked.  The less law abiding people on the streets creates an environment in which crime prospers and increases everyone’s chances of that being true.

How about making changes to your capabilities to defend yourself to manage your fear.  Besides, count the number of times you have made it safely home.  So how much of the fear is real, and how much of the fear is only in your mind?  The fear of fear?             

We won’t say no to someone afraid they won’t like us as a result.  Not saying ‘no’ to someone means you end up compromising yourself and so you lose your self-respect.  When you don’t respect yourself, others lose their respect for you too.

And so some of them won’t like you.  But what makes them so special that you need them to like you anyway?  When a life makes an impact, you will collect more enemies than alliances. 

We won’t change something because better the devil we know than the devil we don’t.  End result; still left with the devil. And the devil never makes peace.   

So why do you assume that there are only devils out there available to you?       

We won’t try something new because we are afraid we might fail.  Not trying something new also means you won’t succeed at it either. 

Let failure be an experience that is a result of something / circumstances other than you.  If it’s not you sabotaging your own future, failure can only be a process that teaches you something you must know if you are going to succeed.   

We won’t end the relationship for fear of... being alone, being hurt, being independent... to name but a few of the fears plaguing relationships. 

Relationships simply need to be worth holding on too.  When they depreciate your value as a human being, it’s time to change them or let them go.  When we hold on to relationships too tightly, we end up losing ourselves.    

So as far as I can see, decisions based on fear tend to be the wrong ones. And a life of colour requires a splash of courage.   

Mark Twain (paraphrased) once said: Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the decision to do something despite it.

If it’s any consolation, this is also my internal pep talk! I have a few big decisions to make.   

One thing is certain, fear has never changed anything.    

 

 

On Electing Presidents...

I’ve been behaving really well these past few weeks.  But there is one topic that has been sitting on me, daring me to comment.  I’ve been fighting the urge, but alas, it appears that sometimes a dare, just needs to be taken up.  Even if that dare only exists in my mind. 

I read a news article recently about the Zwelinzima Vavi, Secretary General of COSATU (Congress of South African Trade Unions), about the sex scandal that has been hitting the news of late..., see it’s been a few weeks..., I have been trying to hold out on this one... 

Somehow, I think that perhaps South African concepts of democracy and freedom are as new as the democracy itself (?). 

After years of living in South Africa; here’s what we do know:  We cannot paint the President with his pants down (the country goes mad).^*3  But he can go and make babies with his friend’s daughter and that doesn’t bring a reaction from the people.^*1 (If my friends be eying my daughter, God help them, they had better be making right with Jesus).  Or the fact that he has fathered at least twenty children with women that are his wives and some that are not his wives, also does not seem to bring his character into question.^*1  All justifiable in the name of culture; right?  Which culture?  Whose culture?  Is it even an accurate reflection of his own culture or is ‘culture’ merely the emotive word thrown into the mix to ensure that no one has the guts to question its authenticity?    

That brings me to another observation, in that particular article written about the alleged sex scandal regarding Vavi, it states “Vavi is presidential material: we can't afford to lose him:^*2           

What I would like to know is: How did ‘sex scandals’ and ‘candidacy for President’ become so intertwined?  Shouldn’t that be the downfall of a leader, not his rite of passage into the highest office of the land?

I am very confused here and I understand that my status in South Africa is that of a mere ‘legal alien’, but I am prone to believe that if a man has no respect for the women in his own household, he has even less respect for me, a women, and the rest of the women and children in the nation.  Can we really entrust the future of women and children in South Africa to men like these?  Seriously, there are times when I am very thankful that I am not a registered voter in South Africa. 

Truly, voting in South Africa now is a difficult choice.  To place an ‘X’ on the merits of the lives lost during the fight for freedom and not what has been built and produced in the past nearly twenty years of democracy, seems like a desperate attempt to hang on to the idealism and illusions built under years of oppression. 

Yet on the other hand, to place an ‘X’ on the current leading opposition’s side, strikes me as an enormous leap of faith as we are asked to believe that the new, latest colour of the chameleon, is its truest colour and we should disregard the colours of its past.   
  
And the other parties at the moment seem somewhat inconsequential.
 
It’s a difficult choice; one that I truly do not envy.

In the spirit of democracy (my understanding), it is my hope that another party, one rooted in the history of the liberation struggle, that talks the language of inclusion, development and has the courage to develop the potential of all South Africans and ensure that colour and poverty are no longer the key determining factors to one’s access to opportunity, rises up. 
 
South Africa needs a party that has a clear VISION for the country, the courage to level the playing field in a very strategic way and build the country through a deliberate investment in the education of all South Africans.  A political party committed to developing a country that opens access to opportunity through a strategic investment in the potential of all South Africans.
 
If eighteen years ago, we had corrected the standard of one grade per year across the nation, the matriculates today would be performing at the same level.  We should not have children with music, athletic or other abilities and talents, undiscovered, undetected and undeveloped.  We should not have children with unequal access to education.  We should not still have children going to school under trees.  We should not have children born into this nation unable to develop their God given gifts and talents.
 
If a country develops the human potential of a nation, the economy will grow itself.  Jobs will be created.  Roads will build themselves.  Houses will build themselves...  Perhaps, we are not so interested in democracy after all?   
 
That is my hope for South Africa.  And God knows; the country needs it.  

One thing is for sure, the inability of a man to chronically keep his zipper closed is not on my list of characteristics needed for Presidency. 

References

¹     http://www.nairaland.com/390637/jacob-zuma-fathers-20th-child
^*2    http://www.timeslive.co.za/thetimes/2013/08/16/vavi-is-presidential-material-we-can-t-afford-to-lose-him-ilive                                                     
        iLIVE Kiekie Mboweni, Nkowankowa | 16 August, 2013 07:30
^*3   http://www.zapiro.com/Sponsored-by/Brett-Murray-Why-I-painted-the-Spear/