Due to a Donkey Shortage...God must be Bald

God must be bald. 

I know there are things that you just don't say, and that statement might be one of them.  But let's think about this for a moment. 

Have you ever considered how many times you get irritated in a day?  Then out of the irritations, calculate how many of them are actually caused by other people either in your life or through daily human encounters, at the shop, on the roads...

Factor into the equation, how many of those incidents are sparked by highly not so intelligent behaviour and or intellect...

And how many times do you really feel like pulling out your hair on a weekly basis? 

...

Multiply that by the population and factor in the number of incidents calculated from the beginning of time. 

See?  God must be bald. 

By now he has pulled out every hair He ever had and has gotten tired of speaking into the world every rotation for additional hair which probably by the time the earth is halfway back to Greenwich Meridian time, is long gone again. 

No seriously, consider all those very serious issues that ‘Christians are busy with’.  (I am picking on Christians assuming that those talk to God on a more consistent basis.)  I mean very serious things like whether it is okay to be associating people of other faiths, or being seen in a pub  or how much grass has been consumed for the pardon of sins (seriously there is a church that does that too).  

No wonder non-believers would prefer to keep their distance.  Raving bunch of lunatics we are, not to mention the stress of having to pick the right church because according to the ‘other churches,’ most members of those ‘other churches’ probably ‘ain’t gonna make it’ to heaven either...

Eish.  High Stress.  Total Confusion.
 
And how about wearing hats in church...  There, now that is serious.  There are some churches who do not allow women in church without a hat.  God created male and female naked in the garden in the Garden of Eden, and now, hats are seriously high on His to do list in the midst of starving children, wars and diseases. 
  
No, I understand, there is a verse in the bible and maybe you’re right that scripture has nothing to do with modestly and character and everything to do with the hat.  I personally, seriously ‘doubt it.’  But hey; ...maybe!
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Sorry, what was that you were saying?

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Yes, I know, I will not be getting into heaven through the front door. Thanks for that.    
    
And how about... dare I say it... women in church office.  Now there’s a very serious issue.  Churches have even split over this issue.  I kid you not.  Sadly.  Women should not be allowed to lead in church.  I mean God is seriously worried about this issue.  I mean it’s right on the dividing line between heaven and hell and so we simply cannot afford to get this wrong.
 
So let’s consider the following:  God used a donkey to warn Balaam not to go up and curse the Israelites.  The donkey saw an angel in the path and actually spoke (Numbers 22).
     
So if need be: God is willing to use a donkey. 

And the bible also says that if the disciples did not praise him ‘the stones will cry out’.  (Luke 19:40)

And so, well God’s calling of the following women prophets and leaders; Huldah (2Kings 22:14), Anna (Luke 2:36), Deborah (Judges 4), Queen Esther (Esther)... etc. to mention a few known examples, could only have meant, that there was a serious shortage of donkeys in the land.    

So multiple all that intelligence by the world’s population and there you have it. 

GOD MUST BE BALD!

Alone in ‘The Act’

I recently heard a sermon on the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus to be stoned (the Law of Moses states that adultery was a sin that needed to be punished by stoning).  The bible is specific, she was “caught in the act” by the men who brought her to Jesus’ feet (John 8).  But what I would like to know, is how exactly she was “caught in the act” alone?  What happened from the point of being caught, to being placed at Jesus’ feet without her partner in crime?

I mean, as far as I know ‘the act’ takes a minimum of two people.  These days... no... I won’t even go there.  But since no archaeologist that has unearthed an ancient equivalent of the vibrator, I imagine the other side of the story, not recorded, reads something like this: 

They were caught in the act and dragged out onto the street.  After a series of high fives amongst the men (some things do not change), out of the sight of the woman of course, a brief exchange of tips on ‘better locations’ to engage in activities such as these, these men were like, “get lost you fool and don’t be dumb enough to get caught again.” And thus, he was sent to run down the street in his ‘Mickey Mouse’ boxers.  (After all, it‘s difficult to judge someone for something we are also guilty of.)  It’s a classic male cover-up story.      

But being men of ‘upstanding public moral character,’ they needed to be seen to be doing something and so proceeded to take the woman before Jesus in an attempt to trap him too...         

The sermon missed that part of the story (probably because it’s not actually recorded) and focused only on the grace given to the woman.     

I love church.  It’s great fodder for humour.  There are so many rules, expectations, clichés and questions not asked.  Seldom do we look further other than just what is on the bible page.  And so such are the social norms that form the foundation for an enormous culture of pretence in the majority of churches.  Praise Jesus.  These things are not new.  I just think they are more a reflection of human’s attempt at perceived godliness than are a reflection of God at all.

Our understanding of God perhaps is somewhat incomplete.  I mean God is serious and so church should be serious...  Or perhaps, God is not so serious after all...

Ever wonder why there are so many health benefits that come from laughter?  If God is so serious, why, as beings created in His image, do we all laugh?  Or why do we learn to laugh before we learn to talk?  Laugher must be an enormous part of who God is.  I imagine that even He chuckled at the accuracy of ‘other side of these events’ recorded, a few thousand years after the affair... 

Well..., okay..., I concede; it may not have been ‘Mickey Mouse’ boxers.