Alone in ‘The Act’

I recently heard a sermon on the woman caught in adultery and brought before Jesus to be stoned (the Law of Moses states that adultery was a sin that needed to be punished by stoning).  The bible is specific, she was “caught in the act” by the men who brought her to Jesus’ feet (John 8).  But what I would like to know, is how exactly she was “caught in the act” alone?  What happened from the point of being caught, to being placed at Jesus’ feet without her partner in crime?

I mean, as far as I know ‘the act’ takes a minimum of two people.  These days... no... I won’t even go there.  But since no archaeologist that has unearthed an ancient equivalent of the vibrator, I imagine the other side of the story, not recorded, reads something like this: 

They were caught in the act and dragged out onto the street.  After a series of high fives amongst the men (some things do not change), out of the sight of the woman of course, a brief exchange of tips on ‘better locations’ to engage in activities such as these, these men were like, “get lost you fool and don’t be dumb enough to get caught again.” And thus, he was sent to run down the street in his ‘Mickey Mouse’ boxers.  (After all, it‘s difficult to judge someone for something we are also guilty of.)  It’s a classic male cover-up story.      

But being men of ‘upstanding public moral character,’ they needed to be seen to be doing something and so proceeded to take the woman before Jesus in an attempt to trap him too...         

The sermon missed that part of the story (probably because it’s not actually recorded) and focused only on the grace given to the woman.     

I love church.  It’s great fodder for humour.  There are so many rules, expectations, clichés and questions not asked.  Seldom do we look further other than just what is on the bible page.  And so such are the social norms that form the foundation for an enormous culture of pretence in the majority of churches.  Praise Jesus.  These things are not new.  I just think they are more a reflection of human’s attempt at perceived godliness than are a reflection of God at all.

Our understanding of God perhaps is somewhat incomplete.  I mean God is serious and so church should be serious...  Or perhaps, God is not so serious after all...

Ever wonder why there are so many health benefits that come from laughter?  If God is so serious, why, as beings created in His image, do we all laugh?  Or why do we learn to laugh before we learn to talk?  Laugher must be an enormous part of who God is.  I imagine that even He chuckled at the accuracy of ‘other side of these events’ recorded, a few thousand years after the affair... 

Well..., okay..., I concede; it may not have been ‘Mickey Mouse’ boxers.

 

            

'Biblical Lobola'

 On a recent trip to the Netherlands we took a tour of ‘Noah’s Ark’ (a replica anyways) and were impressed with the size and the construction of the boat.  I think it is one of the most well-known bible stories and so went to see for ourselves what Noah’s ark might have looked like.     

The funny thing I find about the bible is that as Christians, we have a strong desire to place God into a package that we can understand.  Thus, we often read some stories and use the ones we can relate to, to the neglect of others. 

There are stories in the bible that we simply never discuss lest they interfere with our attempts at piousness.  (Which incidentally I have made peace with – it’s just never quite going to happen anyway).  Except that in the attempt at piety we have sort of missed the point of God’s grace.  The bible is full of stories about people who simply fell far short of this ‘standard’ that so many Christians hold so dear.  Some of the stories in fact have enormous movie potential. 

In South Africa, many of the African cultures have a tradition of paying ‘lobola.’  Essentially Lobola is like a ‘bride price’.  The groom is meant to prove to the bride’s family that he is able to support a wife and the amount is negotiated between the families.  Traditionally it was like a gift to the bride’s family intended to show his commitment to providing for his family as reassurance their daughter would be well taken care of. 
  
And so ‘lobola’ negotiations are also referred to in the bible.  David because he was a poor man expresses his inability to pay bride price for one of King Saul’s daughters.  Culture at that time expected that a bride price be paid.  And so the terms are set in Philistine foreskins.  Not money, precious stones, cows or the like.  No.  Foreskins.  (I Samuel 18:25).  (Yeah, don’t take my word for it, go and dust off your bible.) 

Think about it for a minute; do you think David instructed his men in battle to collect foreskins?  Was there a whole battle field of dead warriors with their pants down left behind?  Were they carrying little foreskin pouches?  How long did it take?  What were they talking about? Did they dry them around the campfire; after all they needed to be presented to the king.   Did it take days?  Did David collect all of them himself?  Do you think he ever misplaced his foreskin pouch and was like, “hey guys, has anyone seen my foreskins?”     

Oh come on people.  After you have gotten past your shock and horror, seriously, “Was it like... so how’s the weather”?  “It looks like it is going to rain”? Or “Dude... wow... I have never seen one this small” ... “or big” for that matter? 

I mean this has movie potential.  It could be drama, horror or my personal favourite, comedy.  How about “The Battle of Clipped Penises”?  LOL  Or Clipped and Snipped?  Note to self: I must not blog late at night.
        
Alright, alright... but seriously... so how’s that for biblical ‘lobola’? 
           
And so no, the bible is not saying that we should be paying lobola in foreskins.  It is a recording of history that tells us God worked his plan for salvation (His relationship with humanity) through and despite circumstances, human weaknesses and wicked intentions.     

Incidentally I have never heard a sermon preached on this yet.  I will let you know if that ever changes...